Being engaged long-distance is tough, I’m not gonna lie. Don’t get me wrong, though. Because I absolutely love being engaged and it’s a huge improvement over long-distance-and-not-engaged-yet. (Having a date to countdown until helps – 146 days, peoples!) Still, knowing that I haven’t seen him in two months and that I still have another three months until I seem him again isn’t the most joy-filled reality. Even though that’s a challenge, the hardest part of being in a long-distance engagement is actually the realization that, for me, getting married means moving away from everything I’ve ever known. I love my fiancé and I absolutely want to spend the rest of my life with him, but my roots are deep here in Los Angeles. I’m excited to move to Chicago, but I don’t want to leave at the same time. I want to be with Austin, but I don’t want to leave my family. I miss him now, but I’ll miss my family after the wedding. My family, my friends, my job, my church are all here, but my future husband is there. I want to get married and move to Illinois, but I don’t want to leave the place that I have called home for my entire life. As my fantastically astute brother, Connor, pointed out, (in his Flynn Rider/Eugene Fitzherbert voice, of course … whether or not he was doing his smolder will not be disclosed at this time)
“You know, I can’t help but notice you seem a little at war with yourself here.”
Yeah, just like that.
That’s the moment I realized that being in long-distance engagement while dealing with a bombardment of emotions feels a lot like when Rapunzel left her tower for the first time. I’m currently sorting through the convoluted emotions of missing Austin, trepidation about the change that is coming, wanting to spend as much time with my family as possible, realizing that I’m leaving them, missing Austin more, figuring out how to do this whole we’re-engaged-thing, understanding that all my friends are here and not there, not knowing what to expect, excitement for what is to come… Anyway, it looks a lot like this…
Oh wow. I’m engaged!
Oh my gosh. I’m actually engaged.
I get to plan a wedding!
Oh… I need to plan a wedding.
Wait. What’s my logical basis for this decision?
Why am I even asking that? Of course getting married is the right decision. Duh. End of discussion.
But… but… but… that means leaving.
I get to leave and go on an adventure!
California is my home. Here. I am never moving.
Yay! In just a few months I get to move!
Being engaged is the most terrible time of being stuck waiting in-between.
Being engaged is the Best. Thing. Ever!
Why isn’t this easy?
Hey … maybe it’s not supposed to be easy.
But, you know what? It’s all going to be worth it.